I feel like I'm some kind of substitute for my friends. All of them. And I hate this! They only come to talk with me when my other friends aren't around or online at messenger.
Even if I tell them how I feel about this, nothing changes. A few days ago I did it and my friend come with billions and trillions of "I'M SORRY, VIICKYCHAN. I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU'RE FEELING LIKE THAT. ;___;" OKAY. Everything fine! I really thought that she'll change and treat me not like an substitute anymore. <3 my heart really was doing "DOKI DOKI" when I went to school in the next day!!
But in that day, she have not changed even a bit! And she even said something like "Have you left your emo mood? Because yesterday you was really like that! xD"
IT REALLY PISSED ME OFF. But I don't like fights, so I answered "Yes".
It really made a mix in my heart: i don't concentrate myself in class, my grades in my math test was TERRIBLE (and I've always been a good student, when I saw my grade it really shocked me), I've got no desire to go to school (although I still want to study), I spent most of my intervals alone, and etc.
And I have no courage to tell my feelings to anyone, I'm too coward to that.
I just write here because I know nobody will read.
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exhausted
determined
cheerful
hungry
frustrated
lazy
depressed